ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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