when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
