she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
These tits shall not be calmed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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