Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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