We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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