The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
