I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
