i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
