And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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