how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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