He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
