Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
