Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
