My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
