Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We are all done wearing pants today
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
