he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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