you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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