Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
