I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
where are my eyebrows?
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