Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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