i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
