i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
