I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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