apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
