tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
