hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
