you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
