I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
