Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
