what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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