Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
