Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Text me some of your sweat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
