So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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