i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
zippers are such a cool invention
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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