its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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