i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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