I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
