she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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