I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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