dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
