Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
