i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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