We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
