you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
