Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
youre lurking in front of me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
