I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
