she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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