At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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