I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it hurts more in the daytime
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
