So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
