office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
