We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
