seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
