did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
