How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
