and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
