If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
