that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sarcasm needs its own font
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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