im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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