take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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