I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize