u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
