not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize