I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize